so. So. i truly... ok, let me digress... already.
do you know what i just did? i peed. but just a little pee. i think i went to go pee because i wanted to procrastinate AGAIN in updating this blog. it has been toO long and i simply can't tell you how much has touched my life since my last blog in April -- some things wonderful, and recently some thing very sad, that has yet to unfold completely, and it scares me completely. but i am not going to tell you what it is just yet...or any of the wonderful things....because i've decided to move forward, at which all will eventually be revealed as i revel in the present.
first, derby. i am here now, and need to go soon to more of it (and i hope there's good music), so will not elaborate just yet, as i really want to get this post out.
second, is a list of the below. since i started *this* blog, i realized again that i love to write. i first knew it when i was an adolescent and wrote long letter after long letter to my grandma rinderknecht. i loved that form of communication. and now i love this. below is a list of short starts i wrote during the early month of november when i participated in a rebel writing project to just write. i wanted to write little somethings as they hit me...and then muse over them during a jog, or a walk about, and then revisit and post. i even dabbled at fiction...well...not really...i think that exercise was merely putting a he in place of me. ...because i often think about kissing...a lot...and so does this he character. regardless, here are the results of november; not much, but it was a necessary step in getting me back here:
scotch and a keyboard. it's going to be a long night. but heaven nonetheless. if you believe in that sort of thing. and i don't. not literally.
there is space in time that needs to be filled. ever have one of those feelings? i'm having them a lot more these past many months, and it's unsettling. not the wanderlust. oh no, never that. but the sensation that the dark is about to turn you into something you don't know. or worse, something you loathe, with a spirit (or several?) that pulls you in random directions you can actually sense yourself in each of these spaces...at the same time. that is unsettling. will you be able to feel yourself? to touch yourself? to caress yourself? another person? will you at least remember?
i want to be kissing somebody right now, he said while walking around the traffic circle, needing to stop and wait at every fucking intersection - there were eight of them. maybe that's too impossible for a traffic circle. something had just happened to induce all this traffic. he turned the corner and walked against the flow of the throngs of people, keeping his thoughts mesmerized in the purple ensconced tower just ahead. it was that time of day.