i awoke to the sensation of my menstrual cup flowing over and my pup
readjusting her position nearer to my body as the thunderstorm rolls
closer. i want to quickly share my thoughts so i can turn off the lights and ride the storm in all its dark glory and see all the profiles that are graced by the lightening. hello again.
my first thought: are other ladies out there that, too, glory in the start of their period because now they can have sex without using birth control? ....with a trusted partner, of course. the sensations, the 'moments', the intensity....are they heightened, for you, during menstruation?
my second thought: maybe i should let go of understanding. lately, as in the past couple of years, it seems i have been trying so hard, much more than usual, to understand why some of (what i perceive as) the harsher interactions happen. it seems that the more i try to figure them out, the more stress i create for myself, for those involved in the interaction, and for the general peace of my universe. part of me hates upheaval. part of me hates thinking somebody is upset at me for some reason. part of me thinks the only way to a happy existence is being surrounded by a happy community. so i try...and keep trying...and keep trying to reach out. usually, this results in a better calm and a closer connection. but lately, it's as if the exact opposite happens. ...so i try to understand that as well. but, huh, wouldn't ya know it...that also goes nowhere and plummets me deeper into discontent.
instead of saying 'so be it' and simply ignore that disunderstanding, i am realizing there is a whole. ...and there are many, many parts to that whole. if just some of the parts are out of whack at any given time, then the majority consensus is still at peace with the whole. and that is enough. i should think. things will come back around.
afterall, it is still worth living in the community, is it not? it is so easy to slip back? into my own world...to return to a place that feels steeled. but i'm not sure i want to go there right now. people and circumstances are worth being patient for.
well, it seems these thoughts - really, just the second - has taken me much longer to mull over into rough script than i thought. daybreak has descended (....risen??......hmmm....don't let my mind go there...). time to get up. those first few glances over the fields of crops bathing in the new morning wet...will be glorious.