this post recounts my trials, but really no tribulations, over the past 10 days of the cleanse. i want to share some moments of clarity, or otherwise, that happened along the way.
day -3 (a thursday) --> i already wrote my reasons for starting this detox. in case i left anything out: 1) the novelty of it -- i'd just become aware a thing called a detox cleanse, and having never tried anything like this, i thought it intriguing and right on time, because 2) work was becoming quite stressful with the yoyo-ing of having a job, or not, or yes, or no + the lack of inspiration on the projects i was being mentored toward + no way in sight to fulfill my interests. for a while now - actually, i remember the exact moment - November 2010 - coming down from a two-high-peak climb - i knew that academic research was not an environment in which i wanted to spend my career. it took me a while to admit that -- but it is now clear as day. 3) i needed to restructure my mentality and emotions about a few people in my life -- say goodbye to the old, hello to the new and more fulfilling -- or something like that ((...as it never really works that way)). so...physically, mentally, and emotionally, there was some work to do.
day -3 (thursday) --> this was nothing more than eating raw foods. i focused on bananas and salad and almonds. yum. normal. no big deal. i think i had pickled beets on my lunch salad. ooops...
day -2 (friday) --> mmmm....the first all liquid day. basical raw foods - liquified. yum...although i juiced at the end of the day a concoction that was quite gray -- there was no way i could finish it. in prep for the master cleanse in two days, i went shopping for lemons..... i cringed at the price of lemons at Abundance, a local co-op and organic/health food store that i (used to) like to shop at. abundance is always expensive, i was prepared for that - but $0.99 a SINGLE lemon!!! come on! that's highway robbery! so i only bought 5. i didn't really know how much i would need. note to rochesterians master cleansers -- don't by lemons at Abundance.
day -1 (saturday) --> oh! my favorite of all so far -- and TOMORROW (no..TODAY!!!) i get to do it again!!! fresh squeezed orange juice - ALL day - All you can eat. yes, EAT - because the pulpy pulp goodness makes it so much mere besser!!! mmmm....this day was divine. after the 7 mile snowshoe - including a tense 2 mile backtrack for wandering-after-deer ramones - we all stopped at a diner on the way home. be it the third day of this new diet -- i had NO desire to savor the greasy food - and a long list at that - at bob's (paul's? ralph's?) USA diner in mt. morris. i ordered a hot chocolate just to treat myself in case i'd really go bonkers not getting to order french fries after a long hike -- but only drank 1/3 of it. the sugar and the water and the fake chocolate flavor -- rancid, at best. i was surprised my desires rejected the sugar. the cleanse was working...(shh....but don't tell anyone).
but the bonus -- i went to Loris on my way home, chauffeured by chris (thanks chris!) -- and bought organic lemons for 50% the price at abundance!!!! note to rochesterian master cleansers: buy lemons at loris. funny thing - the Lori's check-out boy guess what i was up to with all those lemons...
day 1 (sunday) --> ...and the feast begins. i was distracted by an art show at RoCo where the artists were speaking about their work. my acquaintances, Nancy and Wendel, were on showcase - with two others. maybe i wanted more substance today -- but i don't recall any come-to-jesus moments.
day 2 (monday) --> first day at work - what i had anticipated to be the hardest part -- mainly because work was causing me the most stress in my life - and where all my bad habits and procrastination endeavors came alive. drinking latte's. going to pic's place 2-3 times a day for some penny candy - though lately it's been a roll of 150 calories/roll sweettarts. sunchips with my rice, veggies and lentils lunch. buying lunch instead of packing lunch. hmmmm...i wonder what's going to come of these habits??
my saving grace who, just by talking with her and conferring our stories of health and humanity, made me feel solidly resolved -- linda salamone.
day 3 (tuesday) --> by now i was peeing 3-4 times a night. what-the-fuck!
my saving grace - linda salamone.
day 4 (wednesday) --> last minute job application to EPA in DC. it felt good to complete. again - force feeding. buying organic lemons for the trip this weekend -- at wegmans this time - priced between loris and abundance. at some point on this day or the surrounding, i started my period. i recall that on the night before, i went more times to the pantry than ever during this detox cleanse, looking for something appetizing. nothing really was, but i was curious at the constant searches...hours later at about 1 am, i found out why.....
day 5 (thursday) --> frick-an-A!! i hosted a pizza party today for the postdoc association - showing a career development webinar while letting them chow down on pizza. now - for those of you who don't know me....pizza...is, well, PIZZA god!!!!!!!
day 6 (friday) --> frenzied hope welcomed this work day about my AAAS application status notifications - this may have cause a little tinge of desire for something to eat, or at least a coffee (the old tricks) -- but it really wasn't hard to take. 5:40pm - 4 of us off to the adirondacks! made 16 oz lemonade for the road. pit stop at mcdonalds -- i was glad i wasn't eating that shyte.
day 7 (saturday) --> 4 miles ski into the base of a mountain. climb mountain and back - 2 miles. 4 miles ski back to car. divine. i made 32 ounces of lemonade for the trip. 16oz for breakfast, and 16oz for dinner afterwards. this was my standard fare, however this was NOT enough calories (<1000) for all that i was doing up in the mountains. but what the heck -- it would have been force feeding at that point, because i was not remotely hungry.
day 8 (sunday) --> last night's chili i could handle...but the two types of lasagna was just making me bonkers. when i sat at the table with everyone else, i made sure i slammed down my mug of hot tea, and my glass of lemonade pretty loud letting everyone know i was in protest to my diet. they giggled. ha! ha! recap - i think it helps to be busy. i know the Master Cleanse tips and tricks mention not to go to any social events, but i disagree. by the 3rd day of the Ease-In, i was not craving what i would usually crave. i found it harder to be at home alone, than with friends -- despite that they were munching on oh-so-yummy goodies. i was always impressed at the integrity with which i stuck to the master cleanse. nobody was weirdes out. all were (mostly) supportive. my new friend david asked me why i was doing this. before i could say anything -- he said: "because of the challenge?" later that day he mentioned that i should have some chili, saying "well, it's your choice...a little chili won't hurt". at this point in the cleanse, i think a little chili would have sent me to the hospital!! my new friend wes suggested that i eat the lasagna WHILE drinking extra lemonade, to counter the effects of the lasagna and make up for cheating. hee...hee...!!! WHAT'S WITH MEN!!!!^%$$@&^*&!!!
day 9 (valentine's day) --> text from housemate about my good friend the PASTRY chef's homemade chocolate cake..... i coulda slapped her outright. dang!
day 10 (tuesday, today (when i was writing this yesterday)) --> what, only one more day?? what do i do with the remaining 4 lemons? hmmm...that's enough for on more day of cleanse. hell no.
day -3b (wednesday, today (when i am writing this now)) --> i decided to do the salt water flush -- one final finale and homage to the lemonade treatment of yesterday. it seems to make sense. for me, the next coming days and weeks will be the most important part of this whole experience. i will continue to post my "recovery", as i felt pretty beat down when i started this - not so much when i've gotten through it - but the stressors are still there - the question is how will now handle them? i feel empowered. strong. prepared. ...not something i could have said 13 days ago..... the nagging concerns through this experience have been whether or not i am getting enough enough calories?? ..and enough hydration??
some stats: 886 calories a day - 64 oz of maple-cayenne lemonade. that's life juice squeezed out of 4 lemons a day - 40-45 lemons total (i spilled one freshly squeezed essence). try as i might, i's a can't ingest no more!! at most, i've drunk 1104 calories, which occurred only one day this weekend in the adirondacks. i've experience no hunger pains, no growling -- maybe a little, around "meal time", if i hadn't drunk my timely ration of lemonade.
i am a little worried about adjusting to the increased calorie intake as i come off this cleanse, so i've begun making plans to monitor my adjustment back into eating. a saving grace is that i have not done much running, nor yoga, these past two weeks - my schedule has been oddly prohibitive -- so i'll get back on the regimen of those activities, which will help build back muscle tone and burn calories. this weekend in the mountains was a great start for redefining lean muscle. today i begin my yoga routine - 15 days in 30 - again. with the upcoming AAAS interview, toastmaster speech, lack of a lover, and my work days coming to an end -- i will need all my strength to not let the stress get to me again. yet, i am determined, and yoga is my haven. and my friends, of course.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
...another one bites the dust
...3 mountains (one a 4800'er), 1 cleanse, 1 valentine's day.
it is day 10 of my cleanse. seriously? let's see...sun, mon, tues, wed, thu, fri, sat, sun, mon, tues...yep. day 10. this means tomorrow - fresh squeezed OJ ALL day. one lucky gyrl, am i.
i went to the mountains this weekend...the adirondacks...with will, jaime, paula, eric, david, sue, jess, jen, amanda, wess. what a great group of folks. i hope i'll be talking more about them in the future. we stayed at a cabin/lodge in elizabethtown, near keene valley. fireplaces and pellet stoves...big kitchen where all shared the cooking...big dining table where we ate together...well...i didn't eat. i drank. but the sentiment was still there...communal living. a gem. day 1 - we (5 of us) skied 4 miles to the base of indian head, snowshoed up indian head. the gusts at the top were welcoming. the beauty to behold was breathtaking, even if full of clouds and snow. special note: eric walked up in his backcountry skis (with 'skins' on them to help with forward motion) - he then skied down - over boulder jumps and tree tops - fascinating...what do you expect for strappingling young 25 yr old? day 2 - a 10.6 mile climb (5 of us) up and down Whiteface at 4867'. 30 mph winds at the top. 17 degrees. the winds were a shear challenge...exhilarating nonetheless. day 3 - the sweetest climb of all, and the perfect was to round a weekend in the adks...a 35 minute climb up blueberry hill with will. ...to a lean to, with sun! (the first of the weekend), and wind at 35+ temps. warming, indeed.
and i cleansed the entire time. i ingested not near enough calories for all of this activity - less than 1200/day. but, my energy was high -- very high. never once did i falter. somewhere within, i had tapped into a pure line. unbelievable.
and alas....another valentine's day gone without a valentine. the last time i received a valentine was from my college boyfriend, tristan. that was 15 years ago. where's the romanticism gone? where's the sharing of sentiment? where's the conversation? do men no longer participate...or is it just the men that i pick?? it's the latter, i refuse to believe otherwise. i need to choose better.
...time for work, well....what's left of it. T minus 46 days??? bring it!
it is day 10 of my cleanse. seriously? let's see...sun, mon, tues, wed, thu, fri, sat, sun, mon, tues...yep. day 10. this means tomorrow - fresh squeezed OJ ALL day. one lucky gyrl, am i.
i went to the mountains this weekend...the adirondacks...with will, jaime, paula, eric, david, sue, jess, jen, amanda, wess. what a great group of folks. i hope i'll be talking more about them in the future. we stayed at a cabin/lodge in elizabethtown, near keene valley. fireplaces and pellet stoves...big kitchen where all shared the cooking...big dining table where we ate together...well...i didn't eat. i drank. but the sentiment was still there...communal living. a gem. day 1 - we (5 of us) skied 4 miles to the base of indian head, snowshoed up indian head. the gusts at the top were welcoming. the beauty to behold was breathtaking, even if full of clouds and snow. special note: eric walked up in his backcountry skis (with 'skins' on them to help with forward motion) - he then skied down - over boulder jumps and tree tops - fascinating...what do you expect for strappingling young 25 yr old? day 2 - a 10.6 mile climb (5 of us) up and down Whiteface at 4867'. 30 mph winds at the top. 17 degrees. the winds were a shear challenge...exhilarating nonetheless. day 3 - the sweetest climb of all, and the perfect was to round a weekend in the adks...a 35 minute climb up blueberry hill with will. ...to a lean to, with sun! (the first of the weekend), and wind at 35+ temps. warming, indeed.
and i cleansed the entire time. i ingested not near enough calories for all of this activity - less than 1200/day. but, my energy was high -- very high. never once did i falter. somewhere within, i had tapped into a pure line. unbelievable.
and alas....another valentine's day gone without a valentine. the last time i received a valentine was from my college boyfriend, tristan. that was 15 years ago. where's the romanticism gone? where's the sharing of sentiment? where's the conversation? do men no longer participate...or is it just the men that i pick?? it's the latter, i refuse to believe otherwise. i need to choose better.
...time for work, well....what's left of it. T minus 46 days??? bring it!
Friday, February 11, 2011
so, how's it going?
oh...must be me who's going to answer that.
i'm entering day 6 of the cleanse - waiting for the salt water to flush through. waiting. waiting. why wait? !! in this case, it's for an amazing benefit, that for 9 days now, i've felt blessed to get to experience. physically, i feel revitalized. cleaner. fresher. more energized. that is one reason i wanted to do this cleanse. before beginning this process, i felt my body wasn't responding to the food i ate or drank, or the exercise i performed, in a way that i expected. something was clogged, for lack of a better term. in addition, i was letting on the flip-side, emotionally, it was the same. i had let stress build up to the point where physically i was feeling trapped, feeling immobile.
my job was uninspiring - not because of the work that i was doing, but because of the leadership i was under. since day one, there was absolutely no follow-through from my mentor in the development of the career i was seeking. as for the work, even it was such a yo-yo effect of whether or not will funding be continued to keep my job, which was initially promised through Sept 2011, then through Dec. 2011, then, as recently as Dec 2010, was promised through February 2012. this gave me plenty of time to switch gears - find my fit - since it was increasingly clear that laboratory research was not enough. i'd wait to hear how the AAAS applications turned out (yesterday or today -- well, it wasn't yesterday, so...!!!) and then manage my career accordingly. however, after the new year, and the continued delay in the project start date, i could no longer appreciate the false optimism my advisor kept out-pouring. by mid-january, his optimism, even he could no longer believe. sure enough, as of last week, march 2011 is my last month. ....of course, until the government gives us the go ahead on the project.... geez louise. same old story....
so, i am cleansing the stress that has build up over the last year from my job.
i am also cleansing, i hope, an old love. someone who has been in my life a little over two years now. i have loved him deeply, very very deeply ... yet always felt it impossible to reach him at a level of understanding and desire that was reciprocal. part of this was because we lived ~400 miles from each other. but a much larger part, i believe, i felt, was his inability to truly embody the responsibility of taking care of somebody other than himself. now he's whoring himself on an internet dating site, dating strangers 'til the cows come home -- where, when last we spoke last month, neither one of us wanted to let go of the other.... that, simply, isn't right. i need to say goodbye. as each day goes by, and there's no communication between us, why do i feel i still want to hang on? what is there to hang on to? i'm tired of asking these questions .... with no response. why wait? why fucking wait?
so...body, mind, and soul...increased efficiency, that is what i seek. a weekend in a log cabin in the adirondacks will help. 4 + 3 more days of my physical cleansing treatment will help. it has helped so much already. my acceptance into the AAAS program will help....(do you hear that AAAS? i think you should send me two acceptance letters today...i'd very much like that...)
'tschuB, for now....
i'm entering day 6 of the cleanse - waiting for the salt water to flush through. waiting. waiting. why wait? !! in this case, it's for an amazing benefit, that for 9 days now, i've felt blessed to get to experience. physically, i feel revitalized. cleaner. fresher. more energized. that is one reason i wanted to do this cleanse. before beginning this process, i felt my body wasn't responding to the food i ate or drank, or the exercise i performed, in a way that i expected. something was clogged, for lack of a better term. in addition, i was letting on the flip-side, emotionally, it was the same. i had let stress build up to the point where physically i was feeling trapped, feeling immobile.
my job was uninspiring - not because of the work that i was doing, but because of the leadership i was under. since day one, there was absolutely no follow-through from my mentor in the development of the career i was seeking. as for the work, even it was such a yo-yo effect of whether or not will funding be continued to keep my job, which was initially promised through Sept 2011, then through Dec. 2011, then, as recently as Dec 2010, was promised through February 2012. this gave me plenty of time to switch gears - find my fit - since it was increasingly clear that laboratory research was not enough. i'd wait to hear how the AAAS applications turned out (yesterday or today -- well, it wasn't yesterday, so...!!!) and then manage my career accordingly. however, after the new year, and the continued delay in the project start date, i could no longer appreciate the false optimism my advisor kept out-pouring. by mid-january, his optimism, even he could no longer believe. sure enough, as of last week, march 2011 is my last month. ....of course, until the government gives us the go ahead on the project.... geez louise. same old story....
so, i am cleansing the stress that has build up over the last year from my job.
i am also cleansing, i hope, an old love. someone who has been in my life a little over two years now. i have loved him deeply, very very deeply ... yet always felt it impossible to reach him at a level of understanding and desire that was reciprocal. part of this was because we lived ~400 miles from each other. but a much larger part, i believe, i felt, was his inability to truly embody the responsibility of taking care of somebody other than himself. now he's whoring himself on an internet dating site, dating strangers 'til the cows come home -- where, when last we spoke last month, neither one of us wanted to let go of the other.... that, simply, isn't right. i need to say goodbye. as each day goes by, and there's no communication between us, why do i feel i still want to hang on? what is there to hang on to? i'm tired of asking these questions .... with no response. why wait? why fucking wait?
so...body, mind, and soul...increased efficiency, that is what i seek. a weekend in a log cabin in the adirondacks will help. 4 + 3 more days of my physical cleansing treatment will help. it has helped so much already. my acceptance into the AAAS program will help....(do you hear that AAAS? i think you should send me two acceptance letters today...i'd very much like that...)
'tschuB, for now....
Monday, February 7, 2011
i...am...
cleansing. yes, cleansing. to me, it's an embarrassing word to utter. maybe because i immediately think of the clearing out of poop. but why does that bother me? i pick up dog poop at least twice a day - not embarrassed about that, unless the pooping happens....ok, enough!
i am cleansing. technically it's the beginning of the fifth day of the program, but it's the second of the 10-day mania of drinking only lemonade made with maple syrup with a dash of cayenne.....mmmm.....for 10 days.....mmmmm.......did i mention for a total of 10 days, nothing but cayenne lemonade...mmm......
well, more honestly, fortunately and unfortunately, there are two other fluids i can drink. herbal tea, fortunately, and salt water, oh god so very unfortunately.... the herbal tea i feel is self-explanatory, with the last tea of the evening recommended to be of laxative essence (another very embarrassing word). laxative - ha!
it's 6:47am and i lie propped in bed because i read somewhere that it's better for fluid kinetics if in a horizontal position. i just drank ~0.75 liters of salt water (@ 2 teaspoons sea salt per liter). first i tried warm salt water and gagged the stuff back up. next, i tried warm water to dissolve the salt painlessly, then added 3 ice cubes to make it cold enough to be slightly more interesting, and tasteless, to drink. i decided not to torture myself any longer after the third quarter -- to see how effective this volume amount will be. we'll in 30-60 minutes. it's an interesting concept, as it's supposed to wash out the entire digestive system. ((can we make it rain salt water over our cities and industrially processed agricultural fields?)) as the salt water moves through the system, it chelates all sorts of toxins that are being released from fat stores (that are released b/c of the minimal ingestion of proteins throughout this cleanse), as well as intracellular stores.
i forgot to mention, the first three days were the ease-in component: raw foods only, fresh veg/fruit juices and soup only, and fresh-squeezed orange juice only, respectively on day 1-2-3.
so...yes, i am cleansing. it was time. but, more on THIS later, as it's literally time to go poop the dog, then off to work. ;-)
to end on some very positive news....the monday temperature madness has been quelled (well, let's hope). it's 32 degrees out. yum. the past few mondays, they've been one of the coldest days of the week - single digits and below zero digits.
things are changing for the better...and, for today, this makes me smile.
i am cleansing. technically it's the beginning of the fifth day of the program, but it's the second of the 10-day mania of drinking only lemonade made with maple syrup with a dash of cayenne.....mmmm.....for 10 days.....mmmmm.......did i mention for a total of 10 days, nothing but cayenne lemonade...mmm......
well, more honestly, fortunately and unfortunately, there are two other fluids i can drink. herbal tea, fortunately, and salt water, oh god so very unfortunately.... the herbal tea i feel is self-explanatory, with the last tea of the evening recommended to be of laxative essence (another very embarrassing word). laxative - ha!
it's 6:47am and i lie propped in bed because i read somewhere that it's better for fluid kinetics if in a horizontal position. i just drank ~0.75 liters of salt water (@ 2 teaspoons sea salt per liter). first i tried warm salt water and gagged the stuff back up. next, i tried warm water to dissolve the salt painlessly, then added 3 ice cubes to make it cold enough to be slightly more interesting, and tasteless, to drink. i decided not to torture myself any longer after the third quarter -- to see how effective this volume amount will be. we'll in 30-60 minutes. it's an interesting concept, as it's supposed to wash out the entire digestive system. ((can we make it rain salt water over our cities and industrially processed agricultural fields?)) as the salt water moves through the system, it chelates all sorts of toxins that are being released from fat stores (that are released b/c of the minimal ingestion of proteins throughout this cleanse), as well as intracellular stores.
i forgot to mention, the first three days were the ease-in component: raw foods only, fresh veg/fruit juices and soup only, and fresh-squeezed orange juice only, respectively on day 1-2-3.
so...yes, i am cleansing. it was time. but, more on THIS later, as it's literally time to go poop the dog, then off to work. ;-)
to end on some very positive news....the monday temperature madness has been quelled (well, let's hope). it's 32 degrees out. yum. the past few mondays, they've been one of the coldest days of the week - single digits and below zero digits.
things are changing for the better...and, for today, this makes me smile.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
oh my...
oh my body has no idea what i am about to put it through -- the gift i am about to give it....
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