ready. and. set.

this one's going to seem a bit scattered as i write down the obligatoryness of what i'm about to do throughout this month.  not an hour goes by that i think of the Great First Sentence to the next blog post i want to write.  most times i just mindgasm about it, but that lasts only a few minutes, and the phrasing quickly forgotten.  some times i am at my computer, so i whip out a blank page and write down the sentence...to get back to it later.  fewer times i write it down in my little notebook that i carry, should i have it on me.  does any of this sound familiar?

my goal is to finish out november taking moments in my herstory and thinking about them in a literary context, making them legible for strangers to read and for acquaintances to judge.  Judge.  spit, sputter, spew, spiral into silence.  that's usually how my creative expression fizzles.  ha...creative what?  what kind of expression...ha!  indeed, there seems to be a lot of anxiety wrapped up in there.  as i unravel each story, i want to see the anxiety shed.  how personal do i want to go?  all the way.  oh yes.  all the way.  that's seldom a problem.

i want to do this exercise for several reasons....to learn to tell bits of my life as a story. ...to be naive enough to think this exercise will allow me better ease at communicating.  ((lately, i've messed up a lot of happiness by poor communication -- both of my own, and allowing it to be used in conversation with me)).  ...to really see how....if... interesting the moments are in my life that i think are interesting.  ...to overcome my fear of being judged.  ((is what i write simply wasted black marks on a white background?))  oh, this all said, there will be no direct answer gained to any of these questions, i am certain.  but this exercise will not be futile, i am certain of that, as well.  most certain.  i want to feel like i am doing this for just me.  not for anyone else.  i want to see if i can phrase my sentences without worry of how others might like me better if i say it this way, or portray it that way.  i want to be simple.  i want to tell what i feel....because it's normal. and it's attracting. and i want to believe that.

who am i?

how about we find out together?

'til tomorrow, then.